dating a separated man

Dating A Separated Man (All you need to know!)

Let’s see what dating a separated man can result in! It can be challenging to date a separated man, so if you are already seeing one, you should be aware of the risks.


Dating A Separated Man (All you need to know!)

dating a separated man
dating a separated man

A married man still has obligations to his wife and to the rest of the family as the latter’s legal husband. Despite not living together, he is technically still married to his spouse.

Being intimate with such a man is dangerous and fraught with difficulties. Read this article to learn everything you need to know about dating a separated man and the challenges you can encounter.

You may also like: What Is Considered A Long Distance Relationship (4 Fantastic Types of LDR!)

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Is Dating A Separated Man Allowed?

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If you are willing to accept the danger involved, dating a separated man is acceptable. He carries a lot of debt, both financial and emotional. It takes a lot of patience to accept it, and you have to put in a lot of effort to maintain the connection.

If you truly love him, wait till his divorce is done before seeking out a committed relationship with him. A man who truly cares about you will be understanding and patient with you.

Issues You May Experience If You Date A Separated Man

Relationships with separated men are challenging on many levels. Here are a few dangers and issues you might encounter if you date him.

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1. Recovery and ties to the family

The biggest danger of dating a divorced man is the possibility of becoming his rebound. He could be feeling affection for his wife because they are not legally divorced. He might eventually decide that he misses his family and return to them, leaving you in the dark.

2. Psychological baggage

A man who has recently been divorced might be seeking some support rather than a new relationship. He can wind up using you as an informal therapist to express his frustration with his divorce or life. You don’t want to be in a relationship where all he does is whine about his ex while you patiently listen, right?

3. Uncertainty

He has a way open to him returning to his wife because they are not legally divorced. You can start to doubt the connection as a result of this. Additionally, he could need to meet with his ex for a divorce or other legal proceedings, which could make you envious of their close closeness. He might decide to meet his ex-girlfriend instead of you at some point, leaving you feeling left out.

4. Protracted legal process

Divorce is a drawn-out, costly, and sometimes unpleasant process. The procedure can get contentious if there are assets, finances, and children involved because both parties may become combative in these areas. You must decide if you are willing to deal with all of those difficulties in order to protect your partner.

5. A shift in opinion

Divorce cases that go on can alter people. It’s likely that you will stand by him as he fights his legal struggle, but after it’s over, he might change his mind and decide he’s not ready for a committed relationship with you.

Ten Things You Must Understand Before Dating A Separated Man
If you’ve already decided that dating a separated man is right for you, you should be aware of the following aspects of his life.

1. The nature of the break

The type of separation your partner is undergoing is the first thing you need to know about him. Does he have a temporary separation from his marriage or is he divorced? Has he already filed for divorce, or have the legal proceedings just begun? You must be certain about his liability as a spouse because his separation status could have some major ramifications.

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2. The length of the break

The length of their separation and where they are in the divorce process are the next two things you need to know. Are there any prospects of their getting back together now that it has just been a few months after they split up? Alternatively, have they been apart for a substantial period of time?

3. The number of kids

Does your partner have kids from a previous relationship? If so, decide if you’re ready to take on the role of a stepparent. Children can alter a relationship’s dynamics. Therefore, it would not be fair to you or your partner to continue the relationship if you are not prepared to be a parent.

4. The reason for the divorce

It’s possible that your man has already been married once or more. If he has been married more than once, you really need to know what went wrong in that marriage. Find out whether there was any adultery on his part that contributed to the split as well.

5. The length of prior connections

Some men can get into a cycle of relationships where they can’t commit to one person for very long. You need to learn how long your partner’s prior relationships lasted. Did he stay together for a while or did they break up soon after they started dating?

6. Economic standing

Ask him about his financial situation if you are thinking about getting married to this guy. You need to determine if he can afford to pay alimony and child support. There are other more costs as well, including those for healthcare, monthly expenses, and tuition. Knowing if his assets are solely his or whether he also has joint assets with his wife is crucial. While you shouldn’t be suspicious of your boyfriend, you should make sure that he is not saddled with any debt that could harm your relationship.

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7. Emotional openness

You need to be certain that this guy is emotionally open to you before making a commitment. If he is still spending more time with his estranged wife, he cannot be seeing you. He has to agree with you and have completely moved on from his former relationship. To make the connection meaningful, he must share your degree of dedication.

8. Exclusive dating

Is he seeing anyone else but you, or has he kept his options open? Make sure you both have the same perspective on the relationship before making a commitment to him. If he sees you, he shouldn’t be going on dates with potential partners. Early on in the relationship, be upfront about your aims and expectations.

9. Reactions to his ex

How does he feel about his ex-partner? Does he like talking about her or does the mere mention of her name make him angry? He’s still carrying the baggage and isn’t ready for a new relationship if he still harbors anger for his former. His resentment of his ex-wife reveals his devotion to her, which could be harmful to your relationship.

10. The state of living

Your boyfriend may claim to be over his ex, but if he continues to live in the same home as her, it is unlikely that he is being sincere. His wife may still be reliant on him, so he cannot leave her alone until she finds employment, or he may be waiting to sell his house at a decent price. Whatever the cause, it’s a problematic situation that you should avoid.

1. Is dating someone after a divorce unethical?

No. Dating someone after a split is not cheating, especially if you don’t want to rekindle your relationship with your former. Instead, dating someone might hasten your recovery and improve your self-esteem.

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2. How soon after a divorce can you start dating?

When you can begin dating again after a divorce is not a set period of time. Being in a rebound relationship right away is not encouraged, though, since it could further shatter your heart. So, before you start dating again, give yourself some time to recover and digest your emotions. Make sure your dating doesn’t interfere with the divorce process as well.

Remember the benefits and drawbacks of dating a married man who is separated before you start a relationship. Only begin the connection if his divorce is about to be finalized. To prevent future issues, ask your boyfriend to tell his ex and family that he is seeing you. Additionally, once the family is aware of you, you won’t be his casual love interest. During his difficult times, be there for him, but don’t let him ignore or take advantage of you.

Dating a separated man: things to think about

1) Is it worth it in the end?

You must question yourself if this is truly worth it very early on, ideally before becoming involved.

Really, is HE worth it?

Because there are likely to be far simpler relationships waiting for you if he isn’t your ideal partner.

You don’t want him to let you down or damage you in the end. You should seriously consider whether you can go right away or if you feel obligated to stay before you become too involved.

You might not see the danger in waiting to see how things play out when you have less stake in how they come out. However, leaving won’t feel as simple later on when the difficulties increase.

Because we are simply human, growing emotions always occur.

If you don’t think it will last in the long run, you could want to reevaluate whether it would be wiser to back off while it is still a simple choice.

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2) Is he actually divorced?

I ask because that was one of my main concerns and inquiries before I started.

Some of my friends wondered if he might be telling me lies. However, I made the argument to them that if he was going to lie, why not lie outright about having a wife in the first place.

Why not just declare that he is unmarried. I thought he was legally divorced, but was he actually SEPARATED divorced?

In other words, was this a trial phase or was it something that would go forever and lead to a divorce?

Was his marriage irreparably broken, or was there even a slender hope that they would make amends?

You will have to face the fact that there is no way to know for sure. Only by asking can you determine whether or not you agree with him.

There is no escaping the truth that there is a danger involved with dating a separated man. You might invest in him, only for him to later reconcile with his wife.

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You can only do your due diligence to learn where he is in the separation process.

3. When did he break off?

Depending on when he separated, we can infer where he is in his separation (and recovery path).

The more time has passed since time is a great healer

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If the split was recent, his head would be all over the place. Additionally, the longer it has been, the more likely it is that this is truly a permanent change and not just a temporary one.

However, even this won’t be as obvious on its own.

It wasn’t that wonderful for me. He had only recently moved out three months prior. He reassured me, though, that the marriage had been ended long before then.

His erratic way of life and living situation, along with the brief amount of time he had been apart, raised red flags.

But ultimately, when I learned the reason for his separation, I took into account mitigating circumstances.

Four) Why did he break off?

Why has he been divided? What issues existed in the marriage? What did he bring to them? And how did he make an effort to fix their marital issues?

This may come across as a lot of really personal inquiries that you don’t feel qualified to ask.

But in actuality, you must be aware. Because his responses will reveal more about the character of the man he is and how messy his separation was.

You don’t need me to tell you that it’s bad news if his infidelity caused his marriage to dissolve.

Again, not ideal if he didn’t put a lot of effort to save the marriage.

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Expect her not to leave amicably if he ended the marriage and his wife objected to the split.

He is most likely still invested in the connection if she ended the marriage but he didn’t want to.

In my instance, they had been together since they were quite young, but over time, as they grew apart, he realized that their relationship was no longer sustainable. which she agreed with.

5) How are conditions of habitation?

I understand that divorce is expensive. Divorce is financially taxing in addition to being emotionally draining.

He can claim that he continues to live with his ex because they just cannot afford for him to do so right now.

However justified it may be, it only complicates everything a million times more. To be completely honest, I wouldn’t approach the issue at all.

Can you trust him to share a home with someone with whom he has such a long history? How much more jealous and insecure will you feel as a result?

The answer is most likely a good deal.

If he was a lone resident, it would be one thing. Having him stay with his ex, however? That’s a completely other game.

Six) Does he have kids?

Children undoubtedly further complicate matters. You must acknowledge the following if you are dating a separated father:

His children will always come first
His ex will always be in the picture
These aren’t easy facts to have to swallow. But they are true.

Of course, it’s not impossible to navigate, and his children can come to enrich your life and your relationship together.

But it’s one more important piece of the puzzle that you will want to think long and hard about.

Disadvantages of dating a separated man

7) Your patience might be tested

There are going to be many things — sometimes big and sometimes small— that can test your patience when dating a married man.

You will need to be patient in the speed you grow the relationship, patient over his residual feelings, and patient over the timeframe of the divorce.

Things will crop up that you didn’t even think about. I’ll give you an example from my own situation:

One night a few weeks into dating his phone was ringing constantly. He ignored it. We continued our date.

One thing led to another, and we ended up in bed together. Afterward, he checked his phone again and said to me:

“I’ve got a lot of missed calls from my ex, she never calls so I need to check if something is up”.

After stepping outside to take the call, he comes back in to inform me that she is sick (this is during Covid times) and he has to take her to the hospital.

Several hours later I get a text to say that all is ok, it wasn’t Covid and she is fine now.

I understood his need to leave. I respect that he still felt a duty of care toward his ex. At the same time, did it feel good? of course not.

Be prepared to have extra patience and to put up with some extra annoyances.

8) You might experience jealousy

Separated is not divorced. And as my story above hopefully illustrates his wife probably isn’t completely out of the picture.

No matter what he tells you about his feelings towards her, it’s never simple.

She might not be his priority anymore, but she is still in his life.

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His ex is still on the scene, no matter how invisible he tries to make her. And this can cause a lot of insecurity in your relationship.

If he spends any time with her, you’re gonna start feeling like there is something between them.

If he still has to talk about her, see her, do things for her etc, (which he most likely will) then you may well feel jealous.

9) He might not be ready for a serious commitment

What do you want from this guy? Are you genuinely happy to date and see what happens?

Do you know that you are looking for a committed relationship? Maybe you are ready for marriage and kids?

If you want to be settled and committed, you need to ask yourself whether he is really in a position to give you this now?

He has just gotten out of a marriage. It takes time to heal and fully move on. Don’t kid yourself that he will be ready to jump into something serious again right away.

10) You could be a rebound

One of the big problems with being a rebound is that you might not know you were a rebound until hindsight kicks in.

You only realize when it doesn’t work out that he was trying to fill the gap that was left in his life with something (or in this instance someone) else.

He may not even realize he is doing this. Rebounds tend to be defence mechanisms so that we don’t have to feel the full extent of the pain and sadness of a breakup.

There can be some clues that you are a rebound:

How long it’s been since they broke up
If he jumps fully into your relationship, love bombing you from the start.
Particularly with the latter you have to question why his feelings seem so strong so soon. Maybe because he is looking for a hiding place, and has found it in you.

11) His life is unstable

Anyone who is separated is going through an unstable stage of life.

That instability can show up in practical and financial ways, it can also be an emotionally unstable time.

His living arrangements might be unstable, his finances might be unstable, his feelings might be unstable.

And your life will become a little bit more unstable as a consequence.

So if you decide to go ahead with this relationship, be aware that you may be dealing with a very unstable person at this point in his life.

12) People might judge you

One thing I didn’t really consider was how others might judge.

He’s a free agent BUT if he’s still married, be prepared for some disapproving faces.

Some people may disapprove of you going anywhere near a guy who is still technically married.

Personally, I have very open-minded friends, but that still didn’t mean I didn’t face judgement.

Some friends acted like I was being an idiot. They were just worried for me. But they didn’t trust that any of it was a good idea.

There were too many things that could go wrong, and they didn’t want me to be in the middle of it all.

13) He could be playing the field

If he is recently separated he might be enjoying his newfound freedom.

After feeling “tied down” for some time, plenty of separated guys go through a stage of wanting to sow their wild oats again.

After all, sleeping with a separated man is not the same thing as being in a relationship with him.

Are you exclusive? Is he seeing other people? Are you ok with that?

You need to ask these things and be honest about what really works for you. Don’t assume that sex will lead to a relationship if that’s what you are hoping for.

14) He might have emotional baggage

An important ground rule for dating a separated man is to remember you are not his unpaid therapist.

That might sound harsh. You certainly will need to lend a sympathetic ear from time to time. But do not take on board his baggage.

He needs to be the one to unpack it. You will have to be patient whilst he does. It can mean he carries certain hangups, issues and pain into your relationship.

He is probably more fragile as he’s been through a lot.

We all have some emotional baggage, but that of a separated man can be greater.

15) You could have a long road ahead before he is truly a free agent

Regardless of how long he has been separated, you probably still have a long road ahead of you before he is 100% free and single.

A divorce takes time. It can be very complicated dividing the lives of a married couple. The divorce process can drag out over months or even years.

There will be legal hurdles to overcome. But even when the divorce is finalized that doesn’t mean it’s all over — especially if they have children together.

Don’t be under any illusion that you can instantly and fully disconnect your relationship from his past one. It’s going to take time.